Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
