ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
