dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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