Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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