just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
