If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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