Your face is a jimmy john
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
