he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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