Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
