remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sext me about skeletons
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize