All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
