I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
