I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize