The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
