Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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