I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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