Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
