So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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