So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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