Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize