i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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