My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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