Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All the doctor said was why
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
