i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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