nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
