I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
