just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
please don't ironically join a cult
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