Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
