I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
