you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
