Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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