I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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