why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
