SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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