so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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