is your mom at the bar?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
