if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize