i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
