Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
