I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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