my mouth tastes like poor choices
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
