I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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