i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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