just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
