are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
