You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
