I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
