Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize