I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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