and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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