Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
