This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
