Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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