anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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