Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My dick has a subreddit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
