So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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