im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
