I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I believe in your delicious
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
