Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize