To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
