that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
