I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
