i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
