you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
