Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
