no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
