I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
