I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
