jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
