apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
