He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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