just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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