its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
