My room smells like vodka and shame
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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