Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
