bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize